Christmas is almost here!

I cannot believe that Christmas is here! It doesn't feel like the holidaysbut I know it will as long as it doesn't snow to badly we will be able to travel to where we are going.  This year we are going to spend Christmas eve with my sister and Chrismas day with Spencer's sister.  My sister lives North of Provo in Saratoga Springs and his sister lives south of Provo in Spanish Fork.  It should be a lot of fun and it will bring me joy to watch the kids faces light up Christmas morning. I wish we could go home this year but money and time do not permit so we will lay back and enjoy the ride.

I know that I am blessed and tried with what my Heavenly Father has planned for me.  I know that this time of year is to rejoice in the birth of my Savior and Redeemer, it is a time to be with loved ones and remember loved one that have passed. It is a time for Service and Joy and Charity and happiness. Christmas is the time to love.

Merry Christmas!

Thoughts and The Holiday Season

Well the time is here. . . Shopping, lights, trees, ornaments, cards carols. I cannot believe we are at the close of 2009 and opening a new chapter into 2010.   I am finding myself a little lost right now because I guess I am feeling guilty.  About a year ago my Grandma found out I was not going to her house for the Holidays and she told me that she gets to have me this year. . .   I let her down and now because she has left this life, I cannot spend Christmas with her.  I cannot tell her how much I love her.  I can however remember her and I still have my wonderful sweet grandpa and I love him dearly. 

Now I am not saying the Holidays won't be good because they will be great.  I am just saddened by the thought that I cannot spend it with the only grandparents I have known (till marriage).  Growing up we spent every holiday with my grand parents in their Elizabeth, CO home.  It was my favorite place to go and be.  I would go have slumber parties with my grandma and we would do crafts and play.  My grandpa was always a soft hearted man, so gentle and loving and welcoming no matter what the girls were doing.  I almost wish I was a kid again and that I could live all the holidays over again at their house with both of them and my family.  I also miss my brother this time of year.  I still have a sense of guilt from his death.  Was it me who caused him to be away so much?  Was I the cause of my mom's heart break?  Why was I so selfish that I didn't even remember he was going to be leaving the next day?  Why did he refuse to sleep?  Could I have prevented it and kept my mom happy? Should I have been the one to go?

It breaks my heart to know that I could have been the cause for all the sadness, and hurt.  But somehow I know it wasn't me, it was his time to go because Heavenly Father needed him to fulfill other tasks.  I just wish I could take away my mom and dad's heartache.  However, his death 10 years ago changed our family for good too.  I am now closer to my Sister and Brother which may not be the case today.  My parents are in love and through the loss of their son they found a new life that brought them closer together, and a huge bonus, we got to go on a family vacation and spend Christmas together on a Cruise ship after the accident!  We are a different family now than we might have been if we were to have stayed on the same path we were on.

As for my family, Jessica and Tyler have 4 kids now and even though they may have financial struggles, they are a strong family and their kids love them dearly and together with the Lord they will find a way.  Brandon and Chrissy just had their second child, a little girl named Kaylee, and he is working as a deputy at the Arapahoe County Sherriff's office, and me,  well, I am going back to school in April  for pre-nursing and I have a loving husband and a great furry child whom I adore. Then there is the center of who we are, the reason we are here, it is because of our great parents who sacrificed eveything for us. Thanks for bringing me into this world and teaching  me to be a decent person.  Thank you for helping me in all my trials and stupidities.  Thank you for Loving me when I felt all alone.


The Holidays make me think of all the things I may or may not have done throughout the year and in years past and I reflect on what I could have done better.  Thank you to all of my dear family and friends who support me.


Who can say if I 've been changed for the better, Because  I knew you?  Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

It's Friday already?

Whoa! I cannot believe it is already Friday. . . I am super excited about it though. However I do have to work tomorrow so I won't get much of a weekend but after a 5 day weekend I figure it is ok!

Spencer and I get to go to the 25th Anniversary for nUskin in LA this year, we will be working the store there but it will be a great break off the phones and it is a pretty much all expenses paid trip except for the shopping we do (if we do any) I am really excited for a break but it breaks my heart to leave my furry baby Lexie. She will be in good hands at my sister's house though! We leave the 21st and come back the 24th and I am ready. I am very lucky Spencer is going so I won't be all alone in the hotel all the time!

For those who don't know (not many of you) I have been trying to get pregnant for 3 1/2 years now and I may have a solution. The ward I am in has a lady who has "recipe" to get pregnant. She calls it "Help for Pregnancy" and it is just a series of your normal viamins that you would get in a pre natal vitamin but it is higher doses and it includes: Red Raspberry leaves so I have started taking it. I am hoping to get pregnant but if that doesn't work I hope it just regulates me. I have an out of whack system and the Red Raspberry is supposed to strenghthen the Uterine lining and it prepares the uterus to carry a baby. It also helps in recovery and nursing so it would be helpful to both mother and baby if it were taken the entire time the baby was in the womb and nursing. Anyways, I know a lot of you are child bearing age and some are having babies really soon so If you are interested in it you can get it at a health food store in a capsule, tea or serum you add to hot water. I am taking the pills. Also a side note is if you are pregnant, take vitamins B6 to help with morning sickness. The lady who I got the "recipe" from helped over 20 women get pregnant and have easy pregnancies and healthy babies.

So now that I wrote a novel of things you probably don't care about you are more educated too! I am crossing my fingers to be regulated soon so I don't have to go back to the doctor for more blood tests.

Other than that nothing is new, I am getting settled in my new apartment and eager to get LA over with so I can search for a full time job. I have had to put my hunt to a stop because I had a plane ticket and couldn't quit. However I am considering staying till after the Christmas Party so I can get an extra paycheck for Christmas.

Have a great day!

Our new apartment (still not organized)

Well, the time has come, I made curtains and now it is time to show you the place we call home! Hope it isn't moving to fast!

Well, I hope that gave you an idea... Please excuse the mess!

Hooray she is here!

My sister in law had a successful C-section on Sunday and baby Kaylee was brought into this world. I am so excited to meet her. I am going to Colorado for a day on Thursday and flying back on Friday. It will be a long trip but I need dental work done and I NEED to see that baby.

I have been packing all week and on Saturday we started to move some of our stuff into our new place. I am really excited for this new chapter but cannot wait for the move to be over. I hate cleaning and all of the manual labor. I cannot complain though cause I am oh so blessed.

I will post pics of the new place next week sometime.

Hello Good Luck

So I have been praying that I would find a place to live before the end of September and I think my prayers were finally answered. I am moving, and I am staying in my same ward and I get to keep my dog... Life seems to be getting easier as I go and for that I am grateful. We will be moving into a 2 bedroom basement apartment of a family in our ward. We will be able to plant our own small garden and have friends over without feeling like we are too crowded. The bathrooom is actually in the hall and not in the bedroom like it is now. (Sorry Skye, Jordan, Mom, Dad, Jessica and kids for making you go through my room before you could go to the bathroom).

I also got 2 tests done at the hospital to test hormone levels and thyroid and they came back normal. i need 3 more tests done but I am waiting to hear if I can get finacial assistance with them first. I hope I do cause that would make it a lot less stressful for Spencer and myself.

I get a niece in 7 days. My brother's wife Chrissy is going to get her c-section done on the 20th and I will have a new neice named Kaylee. I am really happy for them and just wish that I could be there. Jared their 2 year old will be a good big brother. Then I get another Neice in December when Kristi my sister in Law has her little angel. I am so excited. A good friend of mine (Skye) is having a baby girl around Halloween (I think) probably sooner too. Also Becky another friend is having a little boy. He will have a lot of choices come marriage time with all the girls being born! I think that all the new babies are so great. I am curious to know what Heavenly Father's plans are for the world. I know there a lot of Spirits that need their bodies before the 2nd Coming and look out cause here they come!

Well, with a move coming up and all the new baby excitement I think I am very blessed to know such great people. I am blessed to have fertile friends and family! I am blessed in being where I am and how I am today. I will admit I am a softy who feels guilty about a lot of things but I have a lot of Love to offer and I love all the little people coming into the world. I am excited to see what the future holds. Thanks to all who read my Blog, this is as close to journaling as I get and having readers makes it more of an obligation. That is why I keep doing it.

A crazy Week

My sister and her husband decided to go on a vacation... And I got to watch the kids. Going from 0-4 overnight was a little bit of a shock but it was great. I love those kids so much and they were good for the most part. We went on Friday and didn't get home till Monday night. It was a good weekend. Then on Tuesday I worked and on Wednesday, Spencer and I were finally able to celebrate our 4th Anniversary. We went to Olive Garden and ran a few errands then our car broke down... Luckily we were really close to my sister in laws house and we weren't stranded in the heat. We had to get a tow truck cause our belt broke and luckily when we got it to our mechanic, it was a pulley and it wasn't an arm and a leg to fix.

I also learned that I need to get to a doctor because my Female system is way off and I could have anemia (Iron Deficiency). So just another adventure I have to take to figure out what I need to do next.

Oh well

Well, I didn't find another job yet and all the jobs at the schools filled fast so I withdrew my 2 weeks notice at Nuskin. Hopefully I can hang in there a little longer without going to crazy and without getting too depressed about my job but it I think I will be alright. There is nothing new going on, My sister in law (Chrissy) is going to have a baby probably at the end of August so I will be an Aunt again. I love it! It is so fun to see how much growth there is in this world. So many bad things happening and yet little angels are being sent to get their bodies and fulfill the Lord's work. It is so fun to see all the babies they truly are special. I know of 5 babies being born before the end of this year I hope to meet them all... Congratulations to all you moms and mom's to be. I am truly happy for you and hope that you all find happiness and health. I am hopeful that all the births will go well and you will have healthy, well manored kids. Hugs to you all.

Say a little prayer for me?

Well it is official. I put in my two weeks notice, now I just have to get another job before the 14th or I have to withdraw it. Please cross your fingers for me cause I am really worried I won't find something better. I put in about 10 applications to the local school districts around here so if I get one of them I will be a TA, or something similar. I am also thinking about going to a place called Kelly Services to apply there to be a substitute teacher. I am so grateful that I have a helping hand in my search, I have been connected with a teacher who is going to put in a good word for me at least at her school. I just hope it will work out. My friends Skye and Lynette brought it to my mind again about how much I love kids and how great I would be working with kids. I used to work at an after school program while I was in High School and it was a lot of fun. It taught me a lot about kids and it helped me become a better person. I am praying this is the right thing for me.

I wanted to thank all of you who have replied with the advice and encouragement. It means a lot to know I have such wonderful friends and family to back me up even in my insanity... thank you.

A thought...

I never seem to have anything good to write about but I do have something on my mind today. I recently got called as the Assistant Secratary in the Relief Society in my ward. Through this calling comes responsibility and a feeling like I need to become closer to the Lord so I can have a little more insight on what is going on in my ward. It took 8 months for me to get a calling in this ward and I am only going to be here for a couple more months. Why is it that when something seems to be going right in my life I have to leave it? It happened in Idaho when I moved away from two of my best friends. Wonderful people who loved me and who were genuine in their friendship. People who have put up with me, liked me for who I am and who were always there for me. I still have yet to make a friend here that I feel I can rely on. I am grateful that I have my sisters, I love them and would do anything for them. I know they love me and I treasure their friendship so very much, but I cannot be with them all the time cause they have kids and are busy themselves.
I hate feeling alone and getting back to my point before, this calling has helped me realize that I am never alone. I have people in my ward that I can talk to and wonderful visiting teachers who care for me. I just need to rely on my Heavenly Father, more frequently and more intently so I never feel alone again. I sit at home alone at night while Spencer is working, and some nights I can't help but feel sorry for myself. Starting today, I am going to make an effort to feel loved and to feel like I have a constant companion, because I do, I just have to welcome Him in.

Babysitting makes me smile

My sister and her family went to Colorado for a Family Reunion at the beginning of July and Spencer and I got to house sit/care for her puppies. It was a lot of work cause it felt like I was constantly cleaning up messes and taking them in and out teaching them to go to the bathroom outside. However I fell in love with 5 little loving pups and soon they will all go to their new homes. I have enclosed pictures just so you can see how cute they really are!

Saturday I got to watch my sister's kids and it was fun. We went swimming and then they watched movies till their parents came to get them. They had a lot of fun. Kaitlynn and Braxton went to the 8 foot water all by themselves and they were very proud of themselves... Ema and the baby were a little more reserved than the bigger kids but they got in the pool and loved it too. I love spending time with them, I feel my nieces and nephews are my purpose in life right now cause I haven't been able to have my own kids, I am grateful for the time I get to spend with these kiddos.

New Years Resolution.... HA what was I thinking?

OK so if anyone feels stupid, it is me, I thought I could set some new goals for this year and I might have been able to with a little more motivation. Something I do not have. Well the last time I wrote was in February and I thought that maybe I should try getting started again... Maybe I will get motivated to do things if I have something to do. Well forget I ever set any goals for this year cause it ain't happening.
Let's see, since February, not much has happened... Spencer has been taking a break from school so we have both just been working. It seems really tedious doing the same thing all day everyday, but in all actuality that is what I do. The same thing every day. Spencer and I are still working for Nuskin, I hate it cause the phones are driving mad, but Spencer doesn't mind it too badly yet. I have been working on phones off and on for 6 years so I have had enough but apparently I am not good enough to get a better job withing the company so I have spread my wings and started to look for another job. I don't know where I want to work but I know I want off the phones as soon as possible.
Spencer and I went to Colorado for a weekend. We took my niece Kaitlynn and that was fun. Too Short, but that was expected. 2 of my sister in laws Kristi and Chrissy are going to have babies within the next six months, along with my best friend Skye. All the babies are going to be girls. I am so happy for all of them, and cannot wait to meet each and every one of those precious babes.

Another day...Not so normal

March 28th 2009, one of the saddest days I have experienced in the last 10 years. The loss of my dear sweet grandmother. She died of Gliosarcoma an aggressive Brain tumor and it was pretty sudden. The funeral was April 2nd 3 days before my 25th birthday. There was something good that came out of the whole experience and that was the time I was able to spend with my cousins. I love them very much and miss the times we used to spend together. They are all so wonderful and I am grateful for their examples.
Since Grandma's death we have helped Grandpa move to her room which is the biggest room in the house, gone through all of her stuff and either given it away or had it claimed by family members. It was so hard to see her being taken from the house but in the long run it helps my dear grandpa cope with his loss and it gives him the space he has long needed. I love my grandparents, they are the only grandparents I have known and I am grateful to have had them and to still have my Grandpa.

A Challenge from my Aunt

So I got an email from my Aunt in New Mexico to take a picture of the inside of my fridge without rearranging it. I am then to post it on my blog, so I did it and it is actually embarassing but fun at the same time. I hope this inspires all of you to do the same thing and join the fun.

Happy New Year

New Years Goals: For 2010
1. Lose 20 Lbs by April
2. Pay off 3 bills entirely
3. Read the Book of Mormon

Now that I have shared my goals with all of you, I will feel a little more motivated to get it all done. I hope that all of you had a great new years and that all is well. It is a hard time in life with the economy so bad and jobs being lost. All we can do is strive to draw nearer to our Lord and Savior and help people who are less fortunate than ourselves. This is a great time to do service and be more Christlike in our actions.

I know that I want to draw nearer to Him and feel as though I have fallen farther away from Him. My hope is that I can take all the right steps to get back on track.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I love and miss you all and hope things are going well for each of you.

What am I to do?

So we moved to Utah to get a new start and we aren't starting anything. After another hard semester for Spencer I am starting to lose hope that we are going to move anywhere. Do I go back to school? Or do I just sit around and wait to see what the future has to hold for me? We are going to try again next semester to see if we make it any farther. Spencer decided to take a different road and that road is music instead of geology. I hope that this is the road for Spencer even though I am not sure what he plans to do with music. He is a great singer, and a good actor, but I think it will be interesting to see where the road ahead leads us.

We are still working at Nuskin and it is great. It is still pretty busy but the fear of losing our jobs is always at the back at my head. I am going to start looking for a night time job soon but fear that it is too late. Places aren't hiring and I am limited since we only have one car and Spencer works nights too. Oh well, I will live life as it comes at me there is nothing else I can do.

I was talking to a couple of women today at work and they disclosed to me some very personal stuff that made me think about life and how good I have it. Yeah we are poor and in debt and aren't able to get pregnant and not close enough to family, but really we are so blessed in many other ways. I would love to live next door to my sister, grandma, sister in law, parents, in laws but I can't. I would love to be able to pay off all the debt I have but can't. Yet that doesn't matter. I have a phone and am able to call all of my family and love e-mailing (when I have time), I cannot pay off my debt all at once, but I have a job and am able to make payments unlike people who have it harder than me. These two women, one dealing with break ins at her home and in her car, and the other dealing with a husband who has kidney stones so large that he needs surgery and it is a risky surgery that could cause him to lose his life or his kidney, her daughter fighting Brain tumors and another daughter trying to keep hearing through the one ear she can hear out of. All of these health problems because of the uranium in the soil in her Ohio town. She spend years growing and canning her own food organically and turns out she was growing in radiated soil.

I realize I have so much to be grateful for: a wonderful religion with great leaders, a loving husband, fabulous family, great friends, and a sweet adorable puppy. Even though I don't have all that I want, I have what the Lord sees fit for me. He knows me and he knows what I am capable of. He will give me what I need as I need it and as He sees fit which is the way it should be "Not my will but yours be done." We should all be grateful for what we have and find happiness in what we are blessed with daily and what is in our lives. I hope you all have a great day and that all is well in your lives.

Christmas Festivities

Christmas was good this year. It was different yet refreshing. We went to my sisters house and spend the holiday with her little ones and her in-laws. It all started on Wednesday night (Christmas eve) cause there was supposed to be a huge storm but wasn't. Anyways Jessica wanted to incorporate some of our old family traditions and we got together a bunch of food and she had her kids take them to the neighbors then she plated up some food to take to the firemen and it turns out that they don't live at the firehouse... So we had a ton of treats to eat all weekend. So we went home and put the kids to bed and wrapped presents for the next hour or so and put them under the tree and went to bed ourselves. On Thursday Spencer and I woke up at 7 and had to go upstairs to use the bathroom and I went up first and Tyler and Jessica yelled "turn off the light and go back to bed." "Don't wake your siblings up." It was hilarious, cause they thought we were the kids. They finally woke the kids up about 10 minutes later and it was time to open presents. Kaitlynn, Braxton and Emalyn were really excited to get their stocking stuffers and were even more excited to open presents. Braelyn is still too little to know what is going on but she opened some things but she was more excited to play with the wrapping paper. We went to the Chlarson's house (my sisters in-laws) and had "Linner." After that we just hung out and I did a mask on Jessica and Kaitlynn and then the day past like any other day. Friday we were treated to a movie "Bedtime Stories" which was good and then we went home. It was good.

Finally going to be content . . .

I got a job at a great place called Nuskin (I will be in the Call Center). I am also working at McDonalds and my last day at McDonald's is the 26th. I love that I am almost done cause it is like a dramatic Stressful Soap Opera.We are doing pretty good lately, things are starting to go right, we won the pumpkin carving contest at our apartment so we get $100.00 off of Decembers rent. Hooray for that. Spencer too got a job at Nuskin. We have been training all week and I love it there already and am pumped to get out on the phones. I can't believe I have a whole week left of training at Nuskin, I am ready to get out there and show them what I am made of and capable of. I guess staying in training is good so I will be prepared and ready for whatever comes at me.

We cannot seem to keep our house clean because we are never home. Spencer is at school and then work and I am at work and then work. Our poor puppy Lexie spends a lot of time in her kennel. We are going to run her like crazy tomorrow so she knows we love her and are not neglecting her. We dressed her up for Halloween, she was a frog and hated it, she shook her hat off and constantly tried to shake off her sweater, it was so frustrating, so now Spencer threatens to use it as punishment when she is naughty, he puts the hat on her and she knows she is in trouble! Any suggestions on how to get her to like Sweaters? It is so cold up here and I don't want her to get sick from being cold.



Well, Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, I know that it is because of all of you, that we were able to make it through this change in our life and we are grateful for having such special friends and family.

Our little apartment

I talked to my good friend Skye yesterday from Blackfoot, Idaho and she told me that I needed to post pictures of my apartment so I decided to do what I was told and post some. I don't have a great camera, so I did the best I could but it gives you a general idea on how no matter how small the place, you can always make it a bit of home.

Well, it is still messy, but it is a work in progress and probably will be until I move next year. Yea! Still no jobs are lined up for me and Spencer, but at least I am still looking and I have an interview to possibly be a manager cashier for McDonalds. I know, not my ideal job but it would finally be an income if I get the job. I am not too optimistic though because I have interviewed three other places and nothing has come of it. I am a little bit frustrated by that. We are still eating and we have great family nearby to help us and they are so gracious to let us do our laundry there it saves a lot of money So thank you my wonderful sisters.

Our neighbors/friends Zach and Becca (they live two apts down) are moving so we will be down to not knowing anybody where we live again. We are not sure if we like the family ward we are in cause there is not a lot of potential of us making good friends there cause we are surrounded by wonderful older people. We are flirting with the idea of trying out the married student ward which would give me a little more motivation to get involved even though I feel out of place there too. I am not sure what is wrong with me, but it hurts to see so many young couples who have been married less time than me with a child or who are pregnant when that is all I have wanted for almost three years now. I get frustrated at how the Lord works and not knowing what his plan has in store for me. Yet I know he does have a plan for me and that he knows what is best for me. I need to become better so I can be worthy of bearing one of His precious children. I love being an aunt more than ever though, and in the meantime and I am very grateful I have that much.
Well, I wrote a novel and left you again to wonder what is wrong with me. I swear I am a happy person, I just don't have a lot of happy things to write about right now. I promise I will become my normal self when I am less stressed and I can see light at the end of the tunnel. I love and miss you all. I am glad for what family I do have near, but sad I am so far away from all you others I am so far away from.

God Bless and I pray you will all have the things you need to get through the hard times ahead.

Whoa is me!!

Well, we finally got a car! it is a 98 Buick Regal and it is actually a pretty good car so far. We bought it a while ago and I have been really slow at making a new blog post so I am sorry for the delay. I have been really unmotivated lately cause I still do not have a job. I feel worthless and even scared at times that we made the wrong choice in moving to Utah right now. Spencer is looking into joining the air Force a lot earlier than planned because even he cannot find a job. This is crazy stuff. We are in Provo, a huge town for crying out loud where is the sense in that. Anyways, our new car is Hunter Green and it works well. It is a really heavy car so I am a little bit worried about the hill I live on when it snows, cause it makes us go really fast down the hill no matter what drive we are in. IT IS A STEEP HILL. We are almost completely unpacked, I still have a few things I do not have space for so they are just laying around my house and are in the way Boo. I will find them a place soon though, I hope.

So Spencer's cousin is getting married tomorrow and his sister, (my great friend) Kristi is making her cake and I had the priveledge to go to her house and help her with her boys and experience cake making hands on, it was really fun and interesting. She does a really good job and I am really excited to see the final out outcome. Well, I need to go to the store so I am going to log off now, but thanks for reading and for your continued support to me and Spencer. Also, thanks for your prayers.